A Simple Exercise to Uncover Your Values

The Ideal Lifestyle Exercise

If you’re struggling to identify your values, don’t worry, because you’re not alone. Most people know values are important, but when asked about what they value the response tends to be one of silence with a few ums and ahs thrown in to remove the awkwardness. If an answer is given it tends to be a generic answer like “family” or “success” without any depth or thought about what those values mean to them and why they value it.

So here is a simple thought exercise I came up with that helped me cut through the noise and gain some clarity on my values.

The Exercise

Take a blank piece of paper and write “My Ideal Lifestyle” in the centre, and without overthinking it, write down every word that comes to mind when you imagine the life you actually want to live.

Not the life you think you should want, the life that looks good on paper or even impresses other people. The life that genuinely excites you, energises you, and just feels right.

Allow yourself to dream, let your imagination go a little crazy, forget the limits your mind tells you such as that’s unrealistic or unconventional. Just write whatever comes to your mind and don’t rush, sit in the silence and reflect.

Don’t worry about it being messy and unorganised, the idea is to get words on paper, you can always redo it and make it look visually appealing later.

If you're struggling then click HERE for a free document with some questions to help you. Don’t try to answer all of the questions but rather use them to get the words flowing. Let the images form in your mind and write down the words that capture them.

What Happened When I Tried It

When I did this exercise words poured out onto the page: fun, flow, presence, purpose, connection with nature, simple, flexible, curiosity, casual clothing, slow living, travel, portable, variety, outdoor centred, in line with nature’s rhythm. By the end of the exercise I had a decent size spider diagram with words all over the page.

At first it looked like a random collection of ideas drawn from different areas of life, but when I stepped back and looked at the whole picture, patterns started to emerge.

Finding the Pattern

Once you have your words on the page, pause and look for patterns and themes. What keeps showing up? What connects words together and in what areas of your life can they apply? Can some words be grouped together and summarised?

For me a pattern became clear and my core values such as freedom, simplicity, nature, and flexibility started to show. It explained why I was drawn to remote work, why the rigid office structure drained me, why I felt alive when surrounded by nature and I could start to see where my life was aligned with my values and where it was not.

Words like laid back, relaxed, presence and flow got grouped together and pointed towards slow living, and digging deeper I found myself thinking about how I felt when I was in Greece and Jamaica. Even the word casual expanded and had me reflecting on clothing, I don’t like wearing suits and that made me think about the kind of job I should look for.

Suddenly, a lot of my decisions and frustrations made sense, I wasn’t living in alignment with my values or desires, and that’s why I felt stuck.

Your Words Will Be Different

Your words and the patterns that you form will likely look different from mine, maybe completely different, and that’s the point.

There isn’t really a right or wrong answer as this is something that is unique to you, if you copy and paste from some else then it’s not yours and you’re living someone else’s life. For example my list didn’t include stability, security, routine or comfort but yours might, which leads to different patterns being formed and a different lifestyle being pursued and lived.

The words you don’t use can be just as insightful as the words that you do, so flip the script and ask what isn’t on my paper and why? Maybe it should be or maybe it’s because it isn’t something you value.

Remember, this isn’t about what you should value but it’s about uncovering what you actually do value.

Why This Works

This exercise works because it bypasses the part of your brain that tries to give the right answer or the socially acceptable answer. It taps into what you genuinely desire, not what you think you’re supposed to desire.

When you ask yourself, ‘What do you value?’ your brain often goes blank or reaches for safe, generic responses, but when you describe your ideal lifestyle in words or even use images, the real values reveal themselves through the details.

You’re not thinking about values in abstract terms but you’re imagining a life, and the values emerge naturally.

You're starting with a blank piece of paper, working from what sort of life you desire, words or phrases that describe it and then building out from there. This working backwards, rather than starting with where you are now, can help remove potential biases.

Give It a Try

Grab a piece of paper right now and write My Ideal Lifestyle in the middle and get started. Write down every word that comes to mind without placing limitations upon yourself and just go with the flow of words that come to your mind.

Step back and look at what you’ve written, maybe circle the words that resonate the most and ask why, look for patterns and themes and ask,

What do these words tell me about my values and desired life?

You might be surprised by what you discover, values that you didn’t realise you had and patterns that explain why certain situations energise you and others don’t.

Once you know your values, you can start applying them, making decisions, building habits, and designing a life that actually reflects what matters most to you.

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If you want to dig deeper into discovering your values and applying them, I have a 1 hour coaching session called the compass call. Check out the link below for further details.