Discovering Your Values

The Foundation of Intentional Living

Recently I have been thinking a lot more about what I value in life and on a deeper level why I hold those values, and the reasoning behind them. I know I value freedom, but actually understanding why I value it and how to then live that out practically, well that’s a whole new challenge.

It’s easy to attach yourself to labels or philosophy to explain what it is you value, which is understandable. It’s easier to say you are a stoic rather than say you value wisdom, courage, justice or temperance. It’s quicker to say you're a minimalist than tell people you value clarity, organisation, freedom, quality over quantity, simplicity, etc. Although these labels can place us in a box and be restrictive, they can be helpful ways to summarise what we value, assuming we actually understand the values that come with those terms.

These labels or philosophies have become fashionable trends; it’s popular to say you're stoic or that you're a minimalist, with talk about the next trend being maximalist again. Here is the problem, and at some point we have all fallen into it, we jump on a trend - and this includes trends that define who we are and what we value. Companies then shift their marketing, branding, products and services to appeal to that label/group. Notice how many logos have become minimalist-looking recently?

Maybe you genuinely connect with stoic principles, or maybe it's just easier to adopt a label than to sit down and work out what you actually believe. There's nothing wrong with being influenced by a philosophy, but if you're simply following it because it's popular, you're living on autopilot not intentionally. They are not your values, they are someone else's, and if you want to live your life intentionally you need to know your own values.

Why are values important?

Values are essentially your internal compass, guiding you as you make decisions and providing a way of determining if you should be saying yes or no to something.

When you’re living intentionally, you’re not just decluttering your physical space, but you’re aligning your entire life with what genuinely matters to you. Without clarity on values, you’re making decisions based on other people’s definitions of success, happiness, or their version of the good life.

Whilst minimalism asks the question ‘what can I remove?’, our Values ask ‘what should I keep and why?’ You can declutter, organise and tidy your home, but if you’re still working a job that contradicts with your core values, spending time on activities that don’t reflect what you care about, or living a life that doesn’t align with your values, then you haven’t really simplified your life.

How can we determine our values?

The curiosity trail

The idea is to look at what naturally draws your attention or curiosity. When no-one tells you what to do, what do you spend your time and energy on? What are you passionate about, what gets you excited and makes you happy? When taking part in activities do you enter a state of flow where time flies? Often our hobbies and interest can shed light on our values, and by taking time to reflect and think deeper we can start to uncover what they may be. By asking these deeper questions and taking time to think, patterns begin to emerge.

I have aways been an aviation enthusiast, but recently I have been reflecting on why. What is it about aviation that I like and how can it shed light on what I value? Mobility, the idea of traveling, freedom, innovation, mastery, and even creativity when it comes to the interior design of aircraft.

The reverse approach

It’s easy to get stuck thinking about the positives, but focusing on the negatives can also be helpful for revealing what we truly value. Personally, I don’t like the idea of people knowing me for what I stand against, I would rather them know me for what I stood for. Having said that, this can be a really helpful way to discover what you value.

Instead of focusing on what makes you happy, ask what makes you angry or frustrated? You can go really deep and ask what strikes the core of your humanity, what moves you and why?

For me, I despise clutter and find workplace bureaucracy to be frustrating. From that I can derive some of my values such as simplicity, clarity and autonomy.

The Subtraction Test

Imagine removing certain aspects of your life - don’t just think physical here - asking which losses would have an impact on you or change you? How does that subtraction affect you? If a subtraction really bothers you, why?

Flipping this around, think about an aspect of life you don’t have or a lifestyle that you may want. Why do you want it? What is it about that aspect of life or lifestyle that you are attracted to? How would you feel if you never obtained it?

There are many digital nomad families living this amazing lifestyle that I am drawn to. I hate being stuck in a cubicle and love the idea of the world being my office, being able to work wherever I open my laptop. I dislike living in a country where it rains most of the year and it’s expensive (amongst many other reasons). I want to see the world, experience other cultures and meet new people. Values I can draw from this could be freedom, discovery, openness, connection and learning.

The Peak Experiences Method

This is simple but powerful - think back to times when you felt alive, you felt like yourself and you were living life? What values were embodying during these moments?

I have to confess that I struggled with this one, but in the end it was when I was away from normality and the daily default life. The value there is variety, it’s the spice of life.

The Role Model Mirror

I think this one may be the easiest, as it doesn’t require us to look at ourselves but to look at those we admire and respect. Go crazy, make a list of people you admired even when you were a child and ask what it was about each of them that you admired, what did they do to earn your respect?

Summary

Life Audit (Decluttering what we don’t value)

Once you have a list of values, which doesn’t have to be a perfect or complete list, you should then do a life audit. Look at where you actually spend your time, money, and energy right now, not where you think you should, but where you do. What does it reveal about your current values? Do they match up with the values you truly hold to, when you look at your list, or are you spending time, energy and money in the wrong places?

If there is a gap then it’s a strong indication you’re not living your life to those values, not living intentionally, and you’re focusing on the wrong thing. However, what you can now see is where the work needs to be done. You need to bridge that gap. This can be done by aligning your life with your values, saying no to non-essentialism, decluttering the activities that don’t line up with your values; because now you have a compass to navigate with which is what you value. Now you can start building your life on your terms.