The Messy Middle

Reflections From Within The Storm

The Messy Middle

There’s a phase that nobody really talks about and it sits between the life you’re leaving behind and the life you’re building. The old one no longer serves you, it doesn’t fit anymore and as a result it drains you, leaves you feeling frustrated and in my case a little bit temperamental. You're trying to move forward and it seems to be pulling at you like it’s trying to hold you back and not let you go. At the same time the new one isn’t ready either, it’s still being built, often quietly and painstakingly slow, which makes it difficult to see progress, which is frustrating.

I call this the messy middle, and right now I’m in it.

What Is the Messy Middle?

The messy middle is a transition stage. You’ve made a decision, consciously or not, that something needs to change. You’ve started moving in a new direction, aligning your choices with your values, taking steps toward the life you’ve actually designed rather than the one that just happened to you.

This is all great, but that shift doesn’t happen overnight and those changes take time to bear fruit. Social media may show these dramatic before and after posts but they tend to miss out the messy middle, which is slow, sometimes painfully slow.

You might be in the messy middle if the life you’re living feels like it belongs to someone else or you’re just going through the motions that have no meaning or purpose. Maybe you’re going through the motions at work whilst quietly building something on the side or feeling simultaneously grateful for what you have and restless for what you know is possible.

It’s not failure or stagnation, although it may feel like that at times, rather it’s the in between, and it’s a necessary part of any meaningful change.

There’s Good News Though

Being in the messy middle means you’ve taken action, you have started the journey, which matters more than most people realise. You may feel like you're in a storm, but at least you started the journey.

A lot of people never start the journey, they think about change, talk about it, dream about it, but the discomfort of actually moving keeps them exactly where they are. If you’re in the messy middle, you’ve already done something they haven’t: started.

You’re also in a season of trial and error, which is genuinely useful in helping you figure out what works for you and what doesn’t. This kind of clarity is hard to get any other way and will also make the messy middle feel even more messy.

And most importantly there is a light at the end of the storm and you’re closer to a breakthrough than you think. The messy middle isn’t a destination, it’s a phase you pass through.

My Honest Thoughts

I find the messy middle frustrating and I want to speed things up, make things happen faster, see results now. My side hustle isn’t growing as quickly as I’d like, my current job continues to drain me and I want to live a slower and more fulfilling life with purpose. It’s hard to pour energy into building something new when the old thing is still demanding so much of you, which leaves me feeling tired, frustrated, on edge at times.

Some days it genuinely feels like it isn’t working, like I’m pouring water into a cracked cup. Yet, when I slow down and actually reflect, I can see the progress, it’s just not as loud or obvious as I want it to be, or maybe it is and my old life is shouting louder.

Seth Godin calls this kind of phase the dip, the predictable low point that comes before any breakthrough. Most people quit here, not because the goal wasn’t worth it, but because the middle is harder than they expected and they can’t yet see the other side.

So What Do You Do?

You keep moving forward as momentum is your friend and you don’t look back.

That doesn’t mean grinding yourself into the ground, which is a path that leads to burnout, something that I’ve written about before. Rather it means staying the course with intention, taking the small steps that compound over time, trusting the process even when the process feels invisible.

As BJ Fogg puts it in Tiny Habits, it’s the small, easy, consistent actions that build lasting change, not the big, dramatic gestures. The messy middle is won in the ordinary days, not just the inspired ones.

If you’re in the messy middle too, I’d rather we talk about it honestly than pretend it’s all great like you just need the ideal morning routine. It’s uncomfortable, it tests your patience and your confidence, but it also means something is actually changing.